2011
01.13

And now - the view from here:

I was with some wonderful women friends last weekend. One said, “it seems like we are either living and moving through reconstruction or deconstruction in our lives.” I have to say, I agree.

I’m at yet another crossroad myself. A juncture of what was and what will be, inward turnings and dismantlement, coupled with building a solo life and a new house. I’ve been documenting the change through photographs, and poetry. I’ve been hiking and hauling bricks to heal a bruised heart, and am busting ass on a big project for distraction and future investment.

The back of the original wallpaper from 7th St.

The house on 7th Street is coming along! I’ve submitted both the pre-application, and then the application to the city of Ashland, to change the 1800 sq ft single family home into a duplex with a third unit in the back. This includes over 7 pages of plans, and addresses the all the proposed changes to the property. Now it’s a six to eight week wait to find out if it passes through the city’s process. When it does, I will receive my building permits and be on my way! Cross your fingers for me. For pictures of the project you can visit here.

I’ve been doing the majority of the demolition in the house on my own. It’s an interesting process taking away the 50′s and 60′s ugliness of what was, and revealing the beauty of the original 1902 building. I’ve removed false ceilings, horrid pine wainscoting, textured wall board and old linoleum. I discovered that there is no lathe and plaster, nor drywall and not a shred of insulation. Instead I revealed the original wallpaper covered wooden walls. The heat when on, loses about a degree a minute, once turned off. I have dismantled three defunct chimneys and hauled galvanized buckets of bricks across attics and down ladders. I’ve been to the dump in my new to me truck – Larry The Lush (who guzzles gas like crazy), several times. I’ve endured a hard holiday season, and an unfortunate break up, and the beginnings of a reconfiguration of that wonderful relationship into something else. I’ve lost my business partners as well, and after all that, I am still standing, a bit wobbly, but upright, if just. No, that’s an exaggeration, I am strong and capable, and have learned something from all of it. There is a small part of me that wants to run off into the wild blue yonder, preferably a tropical one with a calm sandy beach, clear water and no complications. But, that said, I’d be there, and there in lies the problem. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to take a conscious vacation from yourself?

So in the mean time, I am dismantling a house and some old parts of myself and attempting to put both back together in some sort of new, stronger and hopefully more beautiful order. One that serves a good purpose in the world and brings some joy floating back in on this tide of change. Cause that’s the constant, oh ya that, and maybe surrender. So in the mean time, as I heal both heart and home, it’s one foot in front of the other and life continues.

Larry The Lush

Here’s a poem from my new slightly existentialist self.

Dark Mobile
The Calder hangs and pivots
Catching just enough shadow
To glimpse metal as it bows back
Swallowed by the dark

Pirouetting from the brush
Of breath across it’s skin
Returning to the void
To spin silently against that emptiness

Then it rotates again
A glimmering in the dark
Rorschach-ian thoughts float there
Like battered butterflies

Rising and falling
On internal thermals
Spinning out like me
As I reach for self understanding

Calder

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